Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom
I would like to start my speech today by thanking Richard for his kind words. I am really proud to have become Isia’s husband; ever since the day we met I have been treated as one of the family and this has made our Journey to this day that much smoother! Thank you both for your blessing I promise that I will make you proud and live up to the high expectations I am sure you have! Thank you for everything you have both done in making this day so special if it wasn’t for you I am sure I would still be saving. So far the day has been an amazing experience and I am sure it can only get better.
I would also like to thank you on behalf of Isia for all the love and help you have given her over the years. I thank you for making Isia the most loving, caring, sweet and kind person I have ever met.
I really am the luckiest man alive.
Thanks to Mom and Dad:
I would now like to thank my own mom and dad for all the love and support they have given me over the years. I am sure you are looking at me now and thinking what a brave boy? I am not really one for speeches especially in front of 80+ people.
You have always been there for me and helped me though good times and bad especially in my younger days.
If I have ever had a problem where did I go mom and dad of course. I couldn’t ask for two more loving people. I am very proud to have you here with Isia and I on our special day. I know that your love and
support will continue for many years to come.
Thanks to Isia:
I now come to the most important person in my life, and that’s Isia my beautiful bride. I am so proud to say that you are my wife you really do look amazing. I am sure that you will all agree that she has done me proud. I wrote this before today so I never knew until now just how amazing you would look. Knowing you like I do I am sure you will now be getting rather embarrassed and possibly a little pink. But I am sorry I must go on.
We first met at a new years eve party in 1999 we said hello and that was it. I never thought that one day that pretty lady would become my wife. The love story didn’t begin until later that year when Isia decided she would stalk me. She seemed to be everywhere I went and text me constantly although it still hadn’t clicked in my tiny brain just how much she wanted me. Well I am a bloke and we are a bit slow sometimes. I am glad to say she didn’t give up on me and we got together in June of that same year. The months went by and the love got stronger.
We have been though allot in our short time together but have always come out on top no matter what.
As you may know the year 2000 was a leap year so at the end of February I decided it was time for action, I hinted on a number of occasions that our relationship should go that little bit further.
For some reason Isia didn’t realise what I was saying until a quick chat with her mom led to a text message at 3 minutes past 5 on 29th of February. With the words “Will you marry me?” of course I said yes and I soon purchased the ring and did the right thing by proposing on one knee. The only problem was it was in my mom and dads bedroom and all I was wearing was a Blur t-shirt and jeans.
Anyway I did have lots of embarrassing stories to tell about our time together but I think I will save Isia any more embarrassment and continue to praise her instead.
Seriously though I thank you Isia for everything you have done for me and all the love you have given me. I cannot begin to show just how much you mean to me. I love you with all my heart and promise that I will be there for you until the day we part. You are everything I have ever dreamed of its hard to believe you are real.
Myself and Isia would like to send our love and best wishes to my Uncle Derek and Auntie Doreen who are unable to make it today due to Derek being unwell. I am sure you will all join us in wishing him a speedy recovery.
Thanks to others:
There have been so many people involved in the planning and preparation of our big day, and this is now the time to give thanks to them.
Thank you to Sharon and her staff for allowing us to hold our reception here and for helping us with the planning along the way. I am sure you will all agree it is a beautiful setting.
We would like to give a big thank you to Ros sharp and her mom Carol for the beautiful wedding cake. I am glad to see its still standing.
Thank you to everyone who has given us presents we can’t wait to open them all. They are very much appreciated and will be used everyday by Isia while she slaves away in the kitchen. Well she has duties now doesn’t she? We will be holding a car boot sale soon so if you are after a toaster I am sure we have a nice one going cheap?
Thanks to Gary and Andrew:
I would like to thank my brother Gary and nephew Andrew for agreeing to be our ushers today. You have both done a great Job and managed to keep the rabble in order without the need for violence.
Thanks to Dave:
I would now like to say thank you to Dave for being my best man. We have been mates for many years and you truly are the best man for the Job. You have helped me in many ways and given me good advise on how to treat Isia. I thank you for all the help and support you have given me especially over the last few weeks, and for putting up with my moaning. My stag night was great fun and I am sure all those who attended will agree. I hope you are about to prove you’re the best man by given me lots of praise in your speech. If not you better leave now.
But seriously I mean it when I say how pleased I am that you have done me the honour of being my best man and best mate. Cheers Dave.
Thanks to Claire, Charlotte, and Eleanor:
Our next and final big thank you goes out to three beautiful young ladies Claire, Charlotte, and Eleanor. We would also like to wish Eleanor a Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Isia and I would like to say how lovely you all look and thank you for doing such a wonderful Job.
Before I pass you over to Dave for the speech of the day, I would like to present a few gifts to various members of our wedding party
to say thank you for the help you have all given on this special day.
I will start by given a bouquet of flowers to our mom’s who have been an invaluable part of our lives. We would also like to give one more bouquet to another special lady and that’s Isia’s Nan.
We also have gifts for our two ushers Gary and Andrew, and my best man Dave.
Finally I would once gain like to thank our bridesmaids and present them each with a gift.
Ladies and gentleman will you please raise your glasses in a toast to our three bridesmaids.
Now here is the part of the afternoon you have all been waiting for my best man Dave.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Humorous Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom
Well, as Henry VIII said to each one of his wives … 'I shall not keep you long'.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this day is an historic day, on this day in 1666, the Great Fire of London started - nothing to do with my wife's cooking. And on this day in the year 2000, you attended this wedding reception and heard the finest wedding speech of your entire lifetime, and my best man Michael will be making it.
I after all, did have a great speech worked out for you today, but as I am now married, my wife has told me what to say instead.
Thank you - All
So on behalf on my wife and I. We would like thank you all for coming here today and sharing our special day with us. Especially those who have travelled some distance to be here, including our chief bridesmaid Suzy and her boyfriend Chris who have come all the way from Canada via Glasgow.
We would also like to thank you all very much for your cards, kind thoughts and wonderful presents. I was afraid that putting a dinner service on the wedding list was not such a good idea. When I discussed it with Mel I suggesting we should get a dishwasher, but she told me not to worry, she's going to get one when she's married - Me!
We had considered getting married abroad, but we decided we would prefer to share our day with all of you. And I'm glad we did. Here's to all of you who are all very special people, picked by us both and may we all have a great day (toast).
Thank you - Brian
Brian, thank you for those kind words, (you hope that you won't let him down/are proud to be his son-in-law, live up to his expectations etc. Having lived with Mel for 3 years now, I think I am prepared well enough.)
I must say that both Hazel and yourself always make me feel very welcome when I come to visit.
In view of the fact that my new Mother-in-Law is so close, I don't want to say much, other than only Adam had no Mother-in-Law - that's how we know he lived in paradise.
Thank you - Parents
We would like to thank both sets of parents as we wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them.
We would like to thank them all for your love and support over the years. For all the advice you have given us.
For putting up with us and pointing us in the right direction.
Thank you for all the help with today's preparations, the flowers, cravats, favours, finance the list is endless.
So as a thank you to both sets of parents we have a small gift for you.
Thank you - Mel
I must thank Brian and Hazel for bringing up such a lovely daughter.
But also due to the number of phone calls between Mel and her mother, BT would also like to thank you both.
I asked Mel's mother in the church, how did Mel look in her Wedding dress, she said looked wonderful, but that didn't prepare me enough for when I saw her walk down the isle. I was overwhelmed to the say the least by how beautiful Mel looks today.
So, to my wife, my bride and joy. - Thank you for everything you have done. You know everything about me and love me just the same. I have my faults, yet you still agreed to marry me. I am extremely lucky today to be the one to marry you - and I hope this is the start of many happy years together.
Together We have been planning this wedding for over a year now, although it seems like a lifetime. It has been slightly more difficult over the past few months as I have been working away from home, but thanks to everyone, everything has come together. So a big thank-you to all that have helped and to Mel who has managed so well when I haven't been around.
Of course, Mel wasn't too happy with me working away, mainly because of the timing but she eventually came around to the idea, she said that she didn't mind me being away from home, just as long as I don't enjoy it! I can safely say it was hell!
Thank you - Michael
I would personally like to thank Michael for agreeing to be my Best Man. Although the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
Michael was reluctant at first, saying that he was an old married man and that I should get someone younger. Well judging what he got up to during the stag night he organised, if that's old and married, then I'm glad I'm heading that way. (PRESENT)
Of course for those who don't know, Michael is my elder brother. Now I know we look nothing alike, I'm just glad I got the good looks in the family. And looking at Mel's brother Chris over there, I'm just glad she doesn't take after him.
Thank you - Ushers and Pageboy
Mel and I would also like to thank Richard and Chris for being ushers today. Thank you Chris for your wordr of advice when we told him we were getting married - You daft git.
We would also like to thank Robert for being a Page Boy today. (PRESENTS)
Thank you - Bridesmaids
A final and big thank you goes to our bridesmaids. We would like to say how lovely the bridesmaids look and thank them all for doing such a wonderful job today. Especially Susy, who as I have already said has travelled all the way from Canada, we would like to thank her for her help and support over the phone and this last week. We have a small gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this lovely day.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding. I would like to propose a toast … to the bridesmaids.
Now I'm not going to stand here and give you a load of stale old jokes, I'm going to leave that to the best man.
But, I must say - isn't it funny how history repeats itself? 27 years ago Mel's mom and dad were putting her to bed with a doll - and now it's happening all over again!
And talking of history, this day marks yet another significant anniversary. On this day back in 1901, U.S. president William McKinley was making a speech when some fellow shot him dead, now I'm not much of a one for believing in signs and omens, but there no point in tempting fate, so I think I'll sit down.
Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom in Sales
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Today, I'd like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who personifies intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity, and integrity. But it is John’s wedding so it's only fair that I talk about him as well.
Now, I only met John a few years ago at university, meaning that I’ve had to rely on him perhaps more than I would have liked to get the details of his past. But apparently, the young John Cervoni was an exceptionally gifted child. After publishing his first novel at 15, John tells me that his English teacher was left in tears when he opted for the Sciences at A Level. He then reluctantly turned down offers from Harvard and Stanford, in order to study at that other great beacon of learning – State University. But between leaving school and going to State, where I met John, I can only assume that something far too terrible to enquire about must have happened to transform him into the mediocre bum that I know.
While at State U. John spent so much time skipping lectures they almost changed his degree to home economics. And when he left, his head of department gave him this reference: ‘Any company who gets
Mr. Cervoni to work for them will be very lucky indeed’. So not surprisingly, John has done absolutely nothing to help with the planning of this wedding. At one stage, Melissa got so desperate for help she had me search him for a socket. She wondered if maybe she had to plug him in.
Believe it or not, I wasn’t John’s only friend at university.
John developed a close relationship with an African exchange student, named Chimaka. Their relationship was close in the sense that John admired Chimaka’s essay writing abilities and John was kindly always on hand to help Chimaka tidy up his written English.
Now Chimaka, who’s father was a tribal elder in Chimakaya and who’s village had donated money to send Chimaka to England, was rather shocked to find himself called into the Dean of Faculties office one morning to explain similarities in his essay to those of John. Two hours later, finding Chimaka on his doorstep threatening suicide, or murder, John's future skills as a salesman came into play. Quoting statistical probability, quantum mechanics and astrology with a straight face, John managed to save both university careers. Now, I recently managed to track down Chimaka to invite him on the stag night (bachelor party). But unfortunately he had to cover the drive through shift at the Burger King.
I mentioned John’s future lay in sales and for the last three years he’s been calling himself an independent salesman. I spoke to someone at his work and they confirmed this - he takes orders from no one. But he works almost everyday - almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday.
Now, what attracted Melissa to John? We know it can’t have been his exploits in the field of salesmanship. So could it have been his reputation as a rock guitarist? Well, I’ve seen John perform on several occasions at university so I speak with enough authority to rule that one out. More likely, it was his kind, thoughtful nature
and his ability to make her feel special … that and his penthouse.
But it’s obvious what attracted John to Melissa. She is such a beautiful, witty, charming and thoughtful person. And when she agreed to marry John, it totally proved to me that old adage – opposites really do attract.
All kidding aside - congratulations, both of you. You make a great couple, and I want to wish you all the best. So good luck, and may your marriage be long, happy and blessed with everything good in life.
Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Wedding Speech 4
Good afternoon Ladies Gentlemen girls and boys
We have arrived at that point in the day where we must rise from the comfort of our chairs and make fools out of ourselves, well some of us anyway!
I however will try and postpone mine for as long as possible and hand you over to Graham Helens father to say a few words.
Thank you Graham.
I would now like to hand you over to Andrew to make his excuses/say
a few words.
Well Andrew, I hope you made the most of your speech, Now you’re a
married man, that’ll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes
without being interrupted!
Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls I hope you are having a
For what seems to be the tenth time today I find my self rising from
a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.
I would like to read some messages from those who could not make it
to this auspicious occasion.
Now I will read a few cards which Andrew and Helen have requested
that I read
To Helen I’m Sorry I could not marry u myself so I got one of my
mate s to do it, but best wishes on your special Day
From the Pope ...
Congratulations on your special day Andrew we will miss u All the
girls from the fantasy lounge XX
I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my
speech writing, But I’ll try my best, ''''cause Andrew said if I do
a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.
It’s a great honour ladies and gentlemen but in all honestly I’m
actually a little bit nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted
by the fact I’ve actually already rehearsed this speech in front of
a live audience. – Yep it was Andrews geriatric home – and I think
it went well – they all peeed themselves
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Peter and for those
of you that do ... well I apologise. My full name is actually ‘Peter
would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I meet in the bar
later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name. [pause]
I am I one of Andrews brothers and isn’t it good to see that I am
finally receiving the recognition I deserve by being named as Best
It is well known that I can talk and I couldn’t help but notice that
there is a bet on about the length of my speech.
Well, just to let you know, having backed myself at 2 hours 26
minutes and with the kitty currently standing at around 㿙, I must
apologise in advance, so please make yourself comfortable and enjoy
I would like to thank the bridesmaids Vicky, Grace, Katie and
Charlotte whom I’m sure you will agree all look radiant. And how
nice it is to see Katie out of her emo/hippy out fit.
I would also like to thank Steve and Will for carrying out the
really difficult task of telling people where to sit in church, Nana
June for laying on the horse and carriage, lee for doing the
invitation inserts and Uncle Alan for doing the video.
I would also like to thank Auntie Anne, Auntie Pat and Debbie for
the glorious flowers in the church and everyone else who has helped
with the hall.
Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses
for some very important people, with out them the today would not be
Would you raise your glasses to toast..
The bar staff!!
Before I begin Helen would u place your right hand on the table,
Andrew would u place your left on top of Helens. All will be
revealed in good time.
I can confirm to you all that last night Andrew slept like a
baby………that is he wet the bed twice………..and woke up several times
crying for his MUMMY!
The only problem we’ve seen so far is that Andrew and Helen had a
bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t
decide where everyone should sit. So Andrew, in his true fashion,
decided to link it to the wedding present list He decided to put
those who brought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back
So ***** “pause” and look around at the back for ******* Andrew and
Helen wanted to say thanks for the oven glove!
Now Andrew and Helen have been together for a few years now and seem
to have found their soul mates in each other.
In life, its difficult to imagine Morecambe without Wise, Andrew
without his red MG, tom without jerry, Romeo without Juliet, Del
without Rodney, and of course Andrew without Helen.
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with
the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I
wanted to make the process as easy as possible.
So where do you begin for ideas?
The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of
resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web.
After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on
the net, but ....then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for
Best Man tips!!!
I did actually find LOADS of ready-prepared speeches on the
internet.... but sadly, NONE of them were about a couple called
Andrew and Helen ....so it looks like it’s down to me after all.
As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am
supposed to SING THE GROOM’S PRAISES and tell you all about his MANY
good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I CAN’T SING, and I WON’T LIE
Helen is a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you
married her before she found one!
I do have to say how lucky you are Andrew. You will leave here
having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is
funny, and who radiates beauty where ever she goes. [pause]
how lucky you are as well [pause]
you leave today having gained a .[pause]
Gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers. [pause]
Andrew has had a chequered life and it started some 38 years ago
when quite small he entered our family and joined Steve and me.
This was a real disappointment to us as this meant that we had to
share our toys with one more person.
However it was not long until Andrew was exposing himself to the
whole country literally sitting on a potty in the middle of the
countryside as the world went on by.
Later he went on to school and by the age of sixteen he finally left
He then started his working life Messams, then Curry’s, Clinches
hotel, the Coach and Horses pub, then the Blue Anchor in jersey here
at the Fishbourne club where he met Helen, then the Blue Bell at
cocking now at Cornelius house where he is hoping to get a discount
as he is getting close to requiring a room.
Now we have had a lot of trouble contacting people from his previous
places of work, and for some reason interpols fraud section has been
showing signs of interest, as most of these buisnesses are no longer
the coach and horses gone bust
The blue anchor gone bust
And the bluebell gone bust
But Helen has done a good job at covering the evidence up.
as for Helen well her life has just begun.
But Helen is keeping Andrew on the straight and narrow.
Instead of stories you will have to listen to my martial advice
I’m not sure I’m the best person to dish out advice! But I do have
the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.
Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who is the boss:
Then do everything Helen says.
Always remember to tell your wife those three important little words
[pause] ‘You’re right dear’.
Helen A husband is like a tiled floor [pause] lay it right first
time and you can spend years walking all over it.
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take the husband gives and
the wife takes. [pause]
Remember the 5 rings
the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering,
the torturing and the enduring
Don’t forget Andrew if u buy her flowers, she knows your guilty, and
she will remember to the second the last time you bought her some …
and the reason why!
Now in case any of you are wondering why I asked Andrew to place his
hand on Helens. I will tell you now, Andrew as my final role, it is
with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 10
minutes in which you have had the upper hand on Helen. It will
almost certainly be the last.
May your love be modern enough to service the times and old
fashioned enough to last 4 ever.
HERES TO LOVE, LAUGHTER,
AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER,
AS Andrew and Helen START THEIR NEW LIFE,
PLEASE STAND & TOAST THE NEW HUSBAND & WIFE.
If you would all be up standing in my toast
To the new Mr and Mrs Burt
Andrew and Helen
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride
We did it!! I can’t believe we’re here already!! At first it felt like it couldn’t take any longer and the last few weeks just flew!
It’s overwhelming, I’m in awe!
Wow, I’m Mrs. Hollingsworth! I can’t believe it! Yeah, I can here my co-workers snickering in the back there, I can only imagine the stories I’ll be returning to!
First I’d like to clear up any confusion Jim, is Jamie to me. Now that’s out of the way, Jamie and I have traveled a long road together already and I’m looking forward to our continued journey as
husband and wife.
Jamie and I would like to thank our family and friends for coming tonight and being supportive to us at different stages of our lives.
We’d also like to thank those who couldn’t be with us in body and spirit like my papa who isn’t forgotten and is loved and missed very much! We’d also like to thank the people who we don’t know very well for coming and we’d like to take the opportunity tonight to get to know you better. Most of all we’d like to thank our parents for teaching us the 10 important rules to a healthy marriage:
Never both be angry at the same time.
Never Yell at each other unless the house on fire.
If one of us HAS to win an argument, let it be your mate.
If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
At least once everyday try to say one nice thing to your mate.
When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
It takes 2 to quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the talking.
I hope we can remember these rules and live by them. Not only do we want to thank our parents for these rules they are only part of what they’ve taught us. We also want to thank-you for building courage when we are scared, for strengthening our hearts when we are weak and when we have self esteem we can conquer anything!
We would like to thank the Olympia for creating this wonderful meal and
Their lovely staff for their service and kindness and for making this a night to remember.
We would like to thank our beautiful wedding party for their hard work and loyalty & I know they deserve it. Even when things got hectic and I was losing my mind they really pulled through and lifted me up and that is what true friends are made of so let’s lift our glasses and toast to our wonderful entourage. Cheers!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I would like to ask Beccy’s father David to say a few words I would now like to call on Justin who would like to thank a fewpeople
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It’s been an emotional day, ……..even the cake is in tiers.
I would like to start by thanking Justin for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaid Kirsty. I’m sure you will agree she has carried out her role superbly, I would also like to thank the ushers…… for at least turning up sober.
I think you will all agree Beccy looks one in a million today ...as opposed to Justin who looks like he was won in a raffle.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am Justin’s cousin, Neil. And I have the honour of being his best man. And it is a great honour, but in all honesty I am actually a little nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old peoples home, …
I think it went well,they all pissed themselves anyway.
.I’d also like to congratulate Justin on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.
During the service today I couldn’t help thinking its funny how history repeats itself, I mean it was 30 years ago David and Carol were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it’s happening all over again today.
I have known Justin all my life, he has always loved sport especially football, from an early age it was obvious he was a natural defender, he loved to get stuck in.
It’s a shame he hasn’t carried that over to his working life, Richie has started calling him god at work because he never see’s him, ….and if he ever does any work it’s a miracle.
Now Just has always taken great pride in his appearance, some people have even said he is vain, I never believed this……much, until the morning we got to the airport to fly off for his stag weekend, he seemed to have a glow about him, all the boys were asking him if he had been using tanning lotion, Justin denied it profusely, after another pint and a lot of abuse he tried to fob us off with the excuse that he was in such a rush when he got up, that in his haste he had mistakenly put Beccy’s moisturiser on which had tanning in it, sufficed to say he was set upon then until he finally admitted that he bought the stuff himself.
I just don’t know how he thought he would get away with it, it was snowing the week before.
I thought I had better find out some interesting events that happened on the day he was hatched, sorry born.
He was born on the 11th of September 1977 which was a sunday, number one in the charts was Elvis with ‘way down’, now the only other event I found of any importance in this month was the introduction of free family planning.
Now I wouldn’t say Just was an ugly baby, but pat only had morning sickness after he was born.
He was a slightly slow starter as well, at playschool he was different from the other 5 year olds, he was 11.
I remember one day sitting in pizza hut, when the waiter asked if he would like his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces, Justin’s reply was . .
. . You better make it 4 because I’ll never manage 8.
We have always been close, when we were young we would always be playing something driving our respective parents mad, I remember when Ghostbusters the film was at the cinema, we would be upstairs at Rich and Pat’s with all the lights out jumping around like a couple of lunatics pretending to be catching ghosts, our equipment for this was a school backpack and a wire coat hanger each. Well I have a present,……….something you can play with later.……………..
Now comes the part of the wedding speech where the embarrassing photo’s come out,
I’m sure you will have noticed there are some numbered envelopes on your tables, if you would all like to open envelope number 1,
This is a rare photo, Justin has always said he can never seem to get drunk, at one point he was going to the doctor he was so concerned. but all it took was a few drinks with Tude and Spence and you can see the end result for yourselves.
Now if you all open number 2.……..Justin has been accused in the past of talking too much, well in this photo he talked that much even his ass went to sleep
One of my last duties before I toast the happy couple is to read a few cards……
To Justin and Becky , hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can’t be there lots of love Charles Farkin, Mary Farkin ….and the whole Farkin family
I would like to say best of luck to the two of you , I really am absolutely delighted for both of you. I hope you have a long and happy future together.
And thank you Justin, it really has been a great honour to be your best man, you are more like a brother to me and Nev than a cousin.
It now gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the new Mr & Mrs Harris.. To Justin and Beccy Thank you and enjoy the rest of the day.
Before I undertake the customary duty of giving Martin an uncomfortable few minutes it is part of the official duty of the best man to thank Martin on behalf of the bridesmaids, Sezan, Canan
and Clare for his kind words and for having them play a part of this really special day. I have to say they all look wonderful and have done an excellent job. Indeed they are only eclipsed by Arzu herself, who, I''m sure you''ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning.
It is a great privilege to be asked by Martin to be his best man. He has quite generously returned the favour that I asked of him 6 years ago, during which Martin took the opportunity to make lots of cheap jokes at my expense, so I now have the right to reply.
I suppose the first thing the best man should explain is how he knows the groom. Well, being his identical twin we first met long before we can both remember, so we are very close. There''s nothing I wouldn''t do for Martin, likewise there''s nothing Martin wouldn''t do for me, in fact we spent most of our time doing nothing for each other.
I will start at the point of our early life as toddlers.
Growing up together in those early days, I am proud to say that I was an angelic child, no trouble to anyone, but the same could not be said of Martin. He showed no respect to his elder twin brother. I became an innocent victim of his loutish behaviour. "Lloyd, flush you socks down the toilet" he used to say. And under duress I did.
But that lout grew up into the well-mannered and well-presented individual we see sitting here today. Martin has matured. For instance I can tell you that Martin is very well read - he has
after all read all 45 of the Mr Men books from cover to cover. In fact, at the age of five, whilst living in Australia, Martin had a great idea to wander off into the dense, wild outback behind our
house to look for Mr Jelly, whom he had read lived in the middle of a forest. He convinced me to go with him and we got terribly lost.
By the time we had found our way home, there were lots of tears. Not for the fact that he had been lost in a forest, but that Martin never found Mr Jelly''s house.
On the subject of Australia, it was there that Martin began a love affair which still lasts to this day.McDonalds. Age six, we were ever so excited to make our first visit to McDonalds..and the great thing about this place was the kids playground - it was like a mini-theme park - things to climb, things to slide down, things to spin around in.all for the enjoyment of children who had just
scoffed their face with burgers and fries. It was whilst Mum, Dad, Verity and I were sat inside the restaurant that Martin, having just stepped of the swings, appeared the other side of the
window.knocking loudly so that everyone in the restaurant noticed him. My parents played along and waved back...until Martin, in full sight of everyone tucking into their lunch, brought up his fast food as quickly as it had originally gone down, all over the window pane.
Suddenly my parents stopped waving and momentarily tried to pretend he wasn''t theirs, although sadly as Martin''s twin was sat with them at their table, they couldn''t fool anyone. The waitress gave them some reassurance."Don''t worry guys, that happens here all the time."
His love of fast food however never stands in the way of his enjoyment of sport. Martin usually waits until half time to get off the sofa to ring for a pizza.
Some of you may be aware of his passion for cricket. What many of you don''t know is that his interest in the sport was borne during his time at school. Martin is a modest man - well, that''s what he has insisted I tell you - so his cricket achievements are little known. But I can reveal today that at school, Martin SCORED more runs than any other person in the entire cricket team - that was because he was always 12th man putting up the numbers the scoreboard at the pavilion.
After school, Martin went on to study environmental science at Kings College London. I am told by his friends many of whom are here today that Martin had a natural flair for the subject. They tell me that no matter how remote a place Martin was sent away on field trips, he could gauge and interpret the direction of the wind, the contamination of the soil and the pollution of the air to produce an accurate assessment of where the nearest local pub was to skive off to have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps.
But Martin had to fund his extra curricular activities. Being a student with far too much time on his hands and always in need of an extra few quid, Martin decided to exploit a promotional campaign at Selfridges, the famous department store on London''s Oxford Street. The deal was that customers were entitled to a 㾶 voucher if they purchased an item from all seven floors. Martin managed to get round the store and buy small items which came to the grand total of 37
pence. It was an all time record amongst his fellow students.
Selfridges had no choice but to pay out the voucher, which Martin then redeemed for cash. What''s more impressive or should I say sad is that he did this seven times in one day to walk away with a hard earned . Unsurprisingly, Selfridges ended their promotional campaign rather abruptly.
Although Martin studied environmental science, I began to doubt his true commitment to the green cause when he purchased his first car after leaving university a Volkswagen Beetle. Now, I''m not sure what year the Beetle was made, though I believe the front of the car was made in the early nineties and the rear of the car some years before. Martin spent hours in that car, usually trying to get it to start. It was the only vehicle that you wouldn''t use a traditional road atlas or street map to navigate your journey. Martin''s Beetle was so economically inefficient and powerless that he had to plot his routes using an ordinance survey map to make sure that his
entire route was downhill. With careful planning, Martin could achieve this and the only flaw was making the return journey home by the same route.
Being Martin''s older twin, by a whole five minutes, I realise Martin that you have now reached the age that I was when I started this speech and with that you will gained the maturity and wisdom that I had back then. So this is probably a good time to for me to show some respect.
Joking aside, I want to say what a privilege it is today to be your best man. I couldn''t wish for a better brother and how much you mean is really impossible to put into words. The whole family is proud of you Martin, and we are all thrilled to see you marrying your beautiful bride Arzu today So it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast for Martin and Arzu. We wish them well for the future. To love, life, laughter and happily ever after.. Martin and Arzu.