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Wednesday, March 3, 2021

Humorous Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom


Humorous Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom


Well, as Henry VIII said to each one of his wives … 'I shall not keep you long'.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this day is an historic day, on this day in 1666, the Great Fire of London started - nothing to do with my wife's cooking. And on this day in the year 2000, you attended this wedding reception and heard the finest wedding speech of your entire lifetime, and my best man Michael will be making it.

I after all, did have a great speech worked out for you today, but as I am now married, my wife has told me what to say instead.
Thank you - All

So on behalf on my wife and I. We would like thank you all for coming here today and sharing our special day with us. Especially those who have travelled some distance to be here, including our chief bridesmaid Suzy and her boyfriend Chris who have come all the way from Canada via Glasgow.

We would also like to thank you all very much for your cards, kind thoughts and wonderful presents. I was afraid that putting a dinner service on the wedding list was not such a good idea. When I discussed it with Mel I suggesting we should get a dishwasher, but she told me not to worry, she's going to get one when she's married - Me!

We had considered getting married abroad, but we decided we would prefer to share our day with all of you. And I'm glad we did. Here's to all of you who are all very special people, picked by us both and may we all have a great day (toast).

Thank you - Brian

Brian, thank you for those kind words, (you hope that you won't let him down/are proud to be his son-in-law, live up to his expectations etc. Having lived with Mel for 3 years now, I think I am prepared well enough.)

I must say that both Hazel and yourself always make me feel very welcome when I come to visit.
In view of the fact that my new Mother-in-Law is so close, I don't want to say much, other than only Adam had no Mother-in-Law - that's how we know he lived in paradise.

Thank you - Parents

We would like to thank both sets of parents as we wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them.
We would like to thank them all for your love and support over the years. For all the advice you have given us.
For putting up with us and pointing us in the right direction.
Thank you for all the help with today's preparations, the flowers, cravats, favours, finance the list is endless.
So as a thank you to both sets of parents we have a small gift for you.

Thank you - Mel

I must thank Brian and Hazel for bringing up such a lovely daughter.
But also due to the number of phone calls between Mel and her mother, BT would also like to thank you both.
I asked Mel's mother in the church, how did Mel look in her Wedding dress, she said looked wonderful, but that didn't prepare me enough for when I saw her walk down the isle. I was overwhelmed to the say the least by how beautiful Mel looks today.

So, to my wife, my bride and joy. - Thank you for everything you have done. You know everything about me and love me just the same. I have my faults, yet you still agreed to marry me. I am extremely lucky today to be the one to marry you - and I hope this is the start of many happy years together.

Together We have been planning this wedding for over a year now, although it seems like a lifetime. It has been slightly more difficult over the past few months as I have been working away from home, but thanks to everyone, everything has come together. So a big thank-you to all that have helped and to Mel who has managed so well when I haven't been around.

Of course, Mel wasn't too happy with me working away, mainly because of the timing but she eventually came around to the idea, she said that she didn't mind me being away from home, just as long as I don't enjoy it! I can safely say it was hell!

Thank you - Michael

I would personally like to thank Michael for agreeing to be my Best Man. Although the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
Michael was reluctant at first, saying that he was an old married man and that I should get someone younger. Well judging what he got up to during the stag night he organised, if that's old and married, then I'm glad I'm heading that way. (PRESENT)

Of course for those who don't know, Michael is my elder brother. Now I know we look nothing alike, I'm just glad I got the good looks in the family. And looking at Mel's brother Chris over there, I'm just glad she doesn't take after him.

Thank you - Ushers and Pageboy

Mel and I would also like to thank Richard and Chris for being ushers today. Thank you Chris for your wordr of advice when we told him we were getting married - You daft git.
We would also like to thank Robert for being a Page Boy today. (PRESENTS)

Thank you - Bridesmaids

A final and big thank you goes to our bridesmaids. We would like to say how lovely the bridesmaids look and thank them all for doing such a wonderful job today. Especially Susy, who as I have already said has travelled all the way from Canada, we would like to thank her for her help and support over the phone and this last week. We have a small gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this lovely day.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding. I would like to propose a toast … to the bridesmaids.
Now I'm not going to stand here and give you a load of stale old jokes, I'm going to leave that to the best man.

But, I must say - isn't it funny how history repeats itself? 27 years ago Mel's mom and dad were putting her to bed with a doll - and now it's happening all over again!

And talking of history, this day marks yet another significant anniversary. On this day back in 1901, U.S. president William McKinley was making a speech when some fellow shot him dead, now I'm not much of a one for believing in signs and omens, but there no point in tempting fate, so I think I'll sit down.

Humorous Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom VIDEO :




Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride



Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride 

 Families and friends. 

This has been a terrific day for Bob and I and we are both thrilled you could all be here. I wanted to say a few words in response to my Dad and thank a few people for all their support. I have spent a lot of time thinking about how to make these thanks – its amazing how much advice and how many books there are out there for Groom and Best Man’s speeches but there is not a lot out there to help the bride. 

 So having failed to find any sensible advice in print, I thought I would ask around to the family and friends for some advice on what to say this evening. I didn’t get much advice about the speech but they gave me some useful snippets to use. Sarah found out that Bob and I will share our wedding day and anniversary with a very famous Royal – 2 very famous Royals in fact – the Queen obviously as I believe she is having some sort of celebration herself this weekend. The other Royal is the late King Edward who abdicated to be married to the love of his life – Mrs Simpson. Now I expect that Bob and I in time will be more like “The Simpsons” than Edward and Mrs but I trust we can be as happy as that couple were. I have some thanks to make. 

Firstly Andy – thanks for the “hairdo” and busting a gut to get here on time to have a trial run. Ben – thanks for taking photos for our guest book and thank you all for posing and signing it. Sarah – you made your dress, you looked after me on my hen night . You have been the perfect Best Woman and a great friend for may years now. You have always been around for me through thick and thin and it was a privilege to be your bridesmaid last year. 

I have to thank your new husband Ian too for marrying you – it has been fantastic fun planning weddings together and thanks for all your top tips and ideas – many of which you can see we have stolen! Simon – perhaps I should reserve my thanks to you until after your Best Man’s speech! Thanks for being such a good mate to Bob for so long and for brushing up so well today. In fact that goes for all of the ushers too who have supported Bob and have travelled so far to help out today and share our celebrations– including my brother who took to Bob straight away – even coming on holiday with us last year. 

 Sam – mate – joining us on our Honeymoon just isn’t on! My parents have been wonderful in the run up to this wedding -they have been wonderful all my life – supporting me through school and university and have welcomed Bob into the family with open arms. Dad– thank you for your kind words, your input into making today brilliant and for being patient with us in the run up to today – I know blokes don’t care about what colour the flowers should be but you have feigned interest admirably and endured with great humour more than your fair share of wedding talk. 

Mum – you have really worked hard on so many of the little details of today – the table arrangements and flowers, the place cards, the favours, the cake, as well as making numerous phone calls and visits for us. You have helped me choose my dress and I have had great fun having you help organise this wedding. Mum and Dad – thanks for everything and for making Bob so welcome into the family. I know you probably weren’t so sure when we rang you at 3am from Peru to tell you we were getting married – we just got the time difference wrong – sorry about that. Of course, I have special reason to thank Rose and Alistair – their care and support over the years has had a very positive influence over Bob and their very best qualities have rubbed off on him – thanks for your generosity and support for the preparations for the wedding. 

Thanks too for making another wee English Girl so welcome in your family – of course others have paved the way – Susan and Jeff have prepared you for the funny ways of the English – but hopefully as you get to know me and my family you will realise that when it comes to whisky drinking, I can compete with the best of you. Whisky drinking is just one thing I share a passion with Bob for. Poetry and hill walking are others. It was on one of the world’s highest points that Bob proposed to me – at Machu Pichu in Peru. 

Poor Bob was feeling really ill that day – the combination of altitude and a few beers the night before to celebrate reaching the ruin after the gruelling walk of the Inca Trail. Spurred on by romantic thoughts of the wedding we were going to in Lima a few days later for Ivan and Fabiola, he made it most of the way to the ruins, pausing to throw up only once en-route. Picture the scene – we rounded a corner and had one of our first glimpses of the ruins. I ambled up some stone steps to get a good view and joined me and whispered the magic words in my ear. I accepted, of course, and we then asked our guide what the flat platform was that we were standing on was for. 

His reply was “Oh, that is an Incan Sacrificial alter – mainly used for offering virgins to the Sun God”! Well Bob – you didn’t get an Incan Virgin and thankfully you didn’t opt for the traditional thing on that alter but asked me to marry you instead. You all know that Bob was recently re-elected to the city Council with a massive vote once more in his favour. Some of you may also know that he has now been appointed Council Deputy– a great achievement. Bob, please just bear in mind that as long as you are Deputy on the Council, it suits me just fine if you are Deputy at home too. But seriously, I am proud to be here, having married you – proud to be your wife. You are the kindest and most supportive man I could hope to know and I love you very much. I know we will have a wonderful future together. Can I ask you please to raise a glass to my Husband – Bob. Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride

Wedding Speech....Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride Video :






Thursday, January 7, 2021

Humorous Wedding Speech by the Groom



Humorous Wedding Speech by the Groom 

The groom has used the wedding date as a source for funny lines, comparing their marriage with celebrity couples for comic effect. While preparing this wedding speech I thought it would be interesting to see if any celebrity couples had been married on the same day as us. Paul Simon and Carrie Fisher wed in 1983...and split up after 9 months. 

Oh dear. Also, Madonna married Sean Penn on this day in 1985; and we all know the outcome of that. Unlike the latter, while Lisa is "Like A Virgin," I plan to "Cherish" her forever and I am not afraid to 'Justify My Love." There's always the "Hanky Panky" to look forward to. There are children present, so the less said about "Get into the Groove" the better. We have been together for nearly ten years, and it's been the happiest decade of my life. We first got together at a Halloween party, where she was dressed up as a witch's cat and I was dressed as a crazy axe murderer, 

I was instantly smitten with that kitten I can tell you. She stuck with me through my scabby student days, and she's even managed to suffer living with me for five years. At home, we’re the perfect team - I mess up the house and she tidies. I affectionately call her my Mrs. Mop. In 1998 I popped the question, so like Elvis's toilet door Twenty-five years ago, we've been engaged for a long time. Today she's made me the happiest man on earth, she's my bride and joy.

 And I think you'll all agree she's done a superb job organizing today almost single-handed. (Toast) Please join me and raise a glass to my beautiful bride. To the bride! We'd like to thank the bridesmaids for all their help in the preparation for today, and I think you'll agree they look fantastic. We have some gifts for you. (Hand gifts to them and toasts) To the bridesmaids. We’d like to say a big thank you to our moms for all their love and support over the years. You've both been really good to us. So please join us in a toast. To the moms. 

 Big thanks to the best man, my dear brother. I’m not sure I should give you the gift now with your speech pending. This man had the easiest job on the day, or perhaps he just made it look easy. For someone who's not too steady on his legs (you should have seen him in Amsterdam), he made walking up the aisle an art form today. Thanks for all your help over the years bro’. To the best man. For being there when wee needed him, my dad has always helped us out. Boney M had him in mind when they wrote "Daddycool.” Please raise your glasses and drink a toast. To my dad. And last but not least, we come to the ushers. I've known these chaps for years and they have certainly done the business today. Let’s raise our glasses one more time please. To the ushers. And now for the bit you've all been waiting for, the best man’s speech. I don't mind admitting I'm scared, please be kind. Over to you brother. Wedding speech... wedding-speech-delivered-by-bride.

Humorous Wedding Speech by the Groom Video :



Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom


Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom

I would like to start my speech today by thanking Richard for his kind words. I am really proud to have become Isia’s husband; ever since the day we met I have been treated as one of the family and this has made our Journey to this day that much smoother! Thank you both for your blessing I promise that I will make you proud and live up to the high expectations I am sure you have! Thank you for everything you have both done in making this day so special if it wasn’t for you I am sure I would still be saving. So far the day has been an amazing experience and I am sure it can only get better.

I would also like to thank you on behalf of Isia for all the love and help you have given her over the years. I thank you for making Isia the most loving, caring, sweet and kind person I have ever met.
I really am the luckiest man alive.
Thanks to Mom and Dad:

I would now like to thank my own mom and dad for all the love and support they have given me over the years. I am sure you are looking at me now and thinking what a brave boy? I am not really one for speeches especially in front of 80+ people.

You have always been there for me and helped me though good times and bad especially in my younger days.
If I have ever had a problem where did I go mom and dad of course. I couldn’t ask for two more loving people. I am very proud to have you here with Isia and I on our special day. I know that your love and
support will continue for many years to come.

Thanks to Isia:

I now come to the most important person in my life, and that’s Isia my beautiful bride. I am so proud to say that you are my wife you really do look amazing. I am sure that you will all agree that she has done me proud. I wrote this before today so I never knew until now just how amazing you would look. Knowing you like I do I am sure you will now be getting rather embarrassed and possibly a little pink. But I am sorry I must go on.

We first met at a new years eve party in 1999 we said hello and that was it. I never thought that one day that pretty lady would become my wife. The love story didn’t begin until later that year when Isia decided she would stalk me. She seemed to be everywhere I went and text me constantly although it still hadn’t clicked in my tiny brain just how much she wanted me. Well I am a bloke and we are a bit slow sometimes. I am glad to say she didn’t give up on me and we got together in June of that same year. The months went by and the love got stronger.

We have been though allot in our short time together but have always come out on top no matter what.
As you may know the year 2000 was a leap year so at the end of February I decided it was time for action, I hinted on a number of occasions that our relationship should go that little bit further.

For some reason Isia didn’t realise what I was saying until a quick chat with her mom led to a text message at 3 minutes past 5 on 29th of February. With the words “Will you marry me?” of course I said yes and I soon purchased the ring and did the right thing by proposing on one knee. The only problem was it was in my mom and dads bedroom and all I was wearing was a Blur t-shirt and jeans.

Anyway I did have lots of embarrassing stories to tell about our time together but I think I will save Isia any more embarrassment and continue to praise her instead.

Seriously though I thank you Isia for everything you have done for me and all the love you have given me. I cannot begin to show just how much you mean to me. I love you with all my heart and promise that I will be there for you until the day we part. You are  everything I have ever dreamed of its hard to believe you are real.

Missing People:

Myself and Isia would like to send our love and best wishes to my Uncle Derek and Auntie Doreen who are unable to make it today due to Derek being unwell. I am sure you will all join us in wishing him a speedy recovery.

Thanks to others:

There have been so many people involved in the planning and preparation of our big day, and this is now the time to give thanks to them.

Thank you to Sharon and her staff for allowing us to hold our reception here and for helping us with the planning along the way. I am sure you will all agree it is a beautiful setting.
We would like to give a big thank you to Ros sharp and her mom Carol for the beautiful wedding cake. I am glad to see its still standing.

Thank you to everyone who has given us presents we can’t wait to open them all. They are very much appreciated and will be used everyday by Isia while she slaves away in the kitchen. Well she has duties now doesn’t she? We will be holding a car boot sale soon so if you are after a toaster I am sure we have a nice one going cheap?

Thanks to Gary and Andrew:

I would like to thank my brother Gary and nephew Andrew for agreeing to be our ushers today. You have both done a great Job and managed to keep the rabble in order without the need for violence.

Thanks to Dave:

I would now like to say thank you to Dave for being my best man. We have been mates for many years and you truly are the best man for the Job. You have helped me in many ways and given me good advise on how to treat Isia. I thank you for all the help and support you have given me especially over the last few weeks, and for putting up with my moaning. My stag night was great fun and I am sure all those who attended will agree. I hope you are about to prove you’re the best man by given me lots of praise in your speech. If not you better leave now.

But seriously I mean it when I say how pleased I am that you have done me the honour of being my best man and best mate. Cheers Dave.
Thanks to Claire, Charlotte, and Eleanor:

Our next and final big thank you goes out to three beautiful young ladies Claire, Charlotte, and Eleanor. We would also like to wish Eleanor a Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Isia and I would like to say how lovely you all look and thank you for doing such a wonderful Job.

Gift Presenting:

Before I pass you over to Dave for the speech of the day, I would like to present a few gifts to various members of our wedding party
to say thank you for the help you have all given on this special day.

I will start by given a bouquet of flowers to our mom’s who have been an invaluable part of our lives. We would also like to give one more bouquet to another special lady and that’s Isia’s Nan.

We also have gifts for our two ushers Gary and Andrew, and my best man Dave.
Finally I would once gain like to thank our bridesmaids and present them each with a gift.

Ladies and gentleman will you please raise your glasses in a toast to our three bridesmaids.

Hand over:

Now here is the part of the afternoon you have all been waiting for my best man Dave.
Thank you!

Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom Video :



Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom



Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom 

  Wedding Speech :

On behalf of my wife and I, I would like to start by thanking Leon for his kind words and I’d like to thank him on behalf of everyone here today for providing the wedding feast. I would also like to thank Leon and Mindy for welcoming me into their family and their kindness and friendship since I first met them, though obviously they didn’t know me at the time else they might have locked their daughter up to keep her safe from me! And on that note I would also like to thank them for providing me with my bride without whom today would have been slightly more difficult even though the best man did offer to stand in…...but that’s another story. So, Leon and Mindy, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would like to thank my own mom and Ian for their support and assistance in making today happen and for welcoming Becky into our family. I would especially like to thank my mom, not only for always being there for me but also because she has tried many times to get Becky to back out of this wedding but she did a terrible job and it went ahead anyway. So thank you so, so much. I would also like to give extra special thanks to Bill and Sarah Fuckley. Without them showing me the way forward, giving such a brilliant example of how two people who love each other should move forward together, I know that I would not have been the happiest man in the world today. So, thanks to you too. I would like to thank everyone here for coming today. I would particularly like to extend a warm welcome to Gary Wilson, a mate from childhood, who came all the way from Bermuda and has asked me to tell you he is young, free, single and filthy rich, and to tell you all that it means a lot to us both that everyone that is important to us could be here not only to celebrate our wedding day but also so that some of you could meet your new relatives – and with that goes my apologies, especially to the children and people with weak hearts in case the particularly ugly ones are scaring you as much as they do me. Seriously though, we are very grateful for all your good wishes and your generous gifts. I would also like to thank Chris Leighton and Steven Dunne for delivering the readings in the ceremony today and Steven would like to extend the same message of wealth and availability as Gary did earlier. Mostly I would like to thank Mrs Stuart for agreeing to marry me in the first place as I can be a right arse at times! Becky, I knew you would look wonderful today and you took my breath away when you came down the aisle. I want everyone to know how lucky I am to marry someone so beautiful, intelligent, kind, genuine, sixty……….sorry, does that say sixty or sexy……….sorry, I can’t read your writing Becky! Anyway, at this point I‘m supposed to tell you how Becky and I met but I can’t remember most of it due to the beer and she has made me promise not to tell what I can remember so you don’t think any less of her, but I can tell you that I knew from the beginning that Becky was right for me and I’m glad it turned out to be mutual. However, since I have been with Becky I have learnt a few valuable lessons. Whenever you're wrong – admit it! Whenever you're right - Keep quiet and pretend you’re wrong anyway! And the correct response to anything she ever asks me is “yes my love” and try not to moan about how unreasonable I know it is. But, at the end of the day I know that I’m getting the best deal out of this marriage and that you make me want to be a better man and I know that we are going to make each other very happy for the rest of time. Will that do my love? Finally I would like to thank the best man for getting out of bed to be here today. I have known Mark Geelan for about 16 years or so and he also wants me to tell the ladies that he is solvent and single too……….so ladies and gentlemen I give you the best man. Wedding Speech 


Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom Video :



Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom in Sales


Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom in Sales


Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Today, I'd like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who personifies intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity, and integrity. But it is John’s wedding so it's only fair that I talk about him as well.

Laughter

Now, I only met John a few years ago at university, meaning that I’ve had to rely on him perhaps more than I would have liked to get the details of his past. But apparently, the young John Cervoni was an exceptionally gifted child. After publishing his first novel at 15, John tells me that his English teacher was left in tears when he opted for the Sciences at A Level. He then reluctantly turned down offers from Harvard and Stanford, in order to study at that other great beacon of learning – State University. But between leaving school and going to State, where I met John, I can only assume that something far too terrible to enquire about must have happened to transform him into the mediocre bum that I know.

While at State U. John spent so much time skipping lectures they almost changed his degree to home economics. And when he left, his head of department gave him this reference: ‘Any company who gets
Mr. Cervoni to work for them will be very lucky indeed’. So not surprisingly, John has done absolutely nothing to help with the planning of this wedding. At one stage, Melissa got so desperate for help she had me search him for a socket. She wondered if maybe she had to plug him in.
Believe it or not, I wasn’t John’s only friend at university.

Laughter

John developed a close relationship with an African exchange student, named Chimaka. Their relationship was close in the sense that John admired Chimaka’s essay writing abilities and John was kindly always on hand to help Chimaka tidy up his written English.
Now Chimaka, who’s father was a tribal elder in Chimakaya and who’s village had donated money to send Chimaka to England, was rather shocked to find himself called into the Dean of Faculties office one morning to explain similarities in his essay to those of John. Two hours later, finding Chimaka on his doorstep threatening suicide, or murder, John's future skills as a salesman came into play. Quoting statistical probability, quantum mechanics and astrology with a straight face, John managed to save both university careers. Now, I recently managed to track down Chimaka to invite him on the stag night (bachelor party). But unfortunately he had to cover the drive through shift at the Burger King.

I mentioned John’s future lay in sales and for the last three years he’s been calling himself an independent salesman. I spoke to someone at his work and they confirmed this - he takes orders from no one. But he works almost everyday - almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday.

Now, what attracted Melissa to John? We know it can’t have been his exploits in the field of salesmanship. So could it have been his reputation as a rock guitarist? Well, I’ve seen John perform on several occasions at university so I speak with enough authority to rule that one out. More likely, it was his kind, thoughtful nature
and his ability to make her feel special … that and his penthouse.

But it’s obvious what attracted John to Melissa. She is such a beautiful, witty, charming and thoughtful person. And when she agreed to marry John, it totally proved to me that old adage – opposites really do attract.

All kidding aside - congratulations, both of you. You make a great couple, and I want to wish you all the best. So good luck, and may your marriage be long, happy and blessed with everything good in life.

Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wedding Speech 4


Wedding Speech 4
Good afternoon Ladies Gentlemen girls and boys
We have arrived at that point in the day where we must rise from the comfort of our chairs and make fools out of ourselves, well some of us anyway!
I however will try and postpone mine for as long as possible and hand you over to Graham Helens father to say a few words.

Thank you Graham.

I would now like to hand you over to Andrew to make his excuses/say

a few words.

Well Andrew, I hope you made the most of your speech, Now you’re a

married man, that’ll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes

without being interrupted!

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls I hope you are having a

wonderful time,
For what seems to be the tenth time today I find my self rising from

a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.
I would like to read some messages from those who could not make it

to this auspicious occasion.

MESSAGES

Now I will read a few cards which Andrew and Helen have requested

that I read
To Helen I’m Sorry I could not marry u myself so I got one of my

mate s to do it, but best wishes on your special Day
From the Pope ...
Congratulations on your special day Andrew we will miss u All the

girls from the fantasy lounge XX
Other cards

I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my

speech writing, But I’ll try my best, ''''cause Andrew said if I do

a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

It’s a great honour ladies and gentlemen but in all honestly I’m

actually a little bit nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted

by the fact I’ve actually already rehearsed this speech in front of

a live audience. – Yep it was Andrews geriatric home – and I think

it went well – they all peeed themselves

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Peter and for those

of you that do ... well I apologise. My full name is actually ‘Peter

would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I meet in the bar

later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name. [pause]
I am I one of Andrews brothers and isn’t it good to see that I am

finally receiving the recognition I deserve by being named as Best

man.
It is well known that I can talk and I couldn’t help but notice that

there is a bet on about the length of my speech.
Well, just to let you know, having backed myself at 2 hours 26

minutes and with the kitty currently standing at around ã¿™, I must

apologise in advance, so please make yourself comfortable and enjoy

the ride.

I would like to thank the bridesmaids Vicky, Grace, Katie and

Charlotte whom I’m sure you will agree all look radiant. And how

nice it is to see Katie out of her emo/hippy out fit.

I would also like to thank Steve and Will for carrying out the

really difficult task of telling people where to sit in church, Nana

June for laying on the horse and carriage, lee for doing the

invitation inserts and Uncle Alan for doing the video.

I would also like to thank Auntie Anne, Auntie Pat and Debbie for

the glorious flowers in the church and everyone else who has helped

with the hall.

Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses

for some very important people, with out them the today would not be

the same,
Would you raise your glasses to toast..
The bar staff!!

Before I begin Helen would u place your right hand on the table,

Andrew would u place your left on top of Helens. All will be

revealed in good time.

I can confirm to you all that last night Andrew slept like a

baby………that is he wet the bed twice………..and woke up several times

crying for his MUMMY!

The only problem we’ve seen so far is that Andrew and Helen had a

bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t

decide where everyone should sit. So Andrew, in his true fashion,

decided to link it to the wedding present list He decided to put

those who brought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back

from there…
So ***** “pause” and look around at the back for ******* Andrew and

Helen wanted to say thanks for the oven glove!

Now Andrew and Helen have been together for a few years now and seem

to have found their soul mates in each other.

In life, its difficult to imagine Morecambe without Wise, Andrew

without his red MG, tom without jerry, Romeo without Juliet, Del

without Rodney, and of course Andrew without Helen.
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with

the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I

wanted to make the process as easy as possible.
So where do you begin for ideas?
The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of

resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web.
After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on

the net, but ....then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for

Best Man tips!!!

I did actually find LOADS of ready-prepared speeches on the

internet.... but sadly, NONE of them were about a couple called

Andrew and Helen ....so it looks like it’s down to me after all.
As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am

supposed to SING THE GROOM’S PRAISES and tell you all about his MANY

good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I CAN’T SING, and I WON’T LIE
Helen is a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you

married her before she found one!

I do have to say how lucky you are Andrew. You will leave here

having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is

funny, and who radiates beauty where ever she goes. [pause]
face Helen
And Helen[pause]
how lucky you are as well [pause]
you leave today having gained a .[pause]
Gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers. [pause]

Andrew has had a chequered life and it started some 38 years ago

when quite small he entered our family and joined Steve and me.
This was a real disappointment to us as this meant that we had to

share our toys with one more person.
However it was not long until Andrew was exposing himself to the

whole country literally sitting on a potty in the middle of the

countryside as the world went on by.
Later he went on to school and by the age of sixteen he finally left

primary school.
He then started his working life Messams, then Curry’s, Clinches

hotel, the Coach and Horses pub, then the Blue Anchor in jersey here

at the Fishbourne club where he met Helen, then the Blue Bell at

cocking now at Cornelius house where he is hoping to get a discount

as he is getting close to requiring a room.

Now we have had a lot of trouble contacting people from his previous

places of work, and for some reason interpols fraud section has been

showing signs of interest, as most of these buisnesses are no longer

,
the coach and horses gone bust
The blue anchor gone bust
And the bluebell gone bust
But Helen has done a good job at covering the evidence up.

as for Helen well her life has just begun.

But Helen is keeping Andrew on the straight and narrow.

Instead of stories you will have to listen to my martial advice

instead.
I’m not sure I’m the best person to dish out advice! But I do have

the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who is the boss:
Then do everything Helen says.

Always remember to tell your wife those three important little words

[pause] ‘You’re right dear’.

Helen A husband is like a tiled floor [pause] lay it right first

time and you can spend years walking all over it.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take the husband gives and

the wife takes. [pause]

Remember the 5 rings
the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering,
the torturing and the enduring

Don’t forget Andrew if u buy her flowers, she knows your guilty, and

she will remember to the second the last time you bought her some …

and the reason why!

Now in case any of you are wondering why I asked Andrew to place his

hand on Helens. I will tell you now, Andrew as my final role, it is

with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 10

minutes in which you have had the upper hand on Helen. It will

almost certainly be the last.

May your love be modern enough to service the times and old

fashioned enough to last 4 ever.

HERES TO LOVE, LAUGHTER,
AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER,
AS Andrew and Helen START THEIR NEW LIFE,
PLEASE STAND & TOAST THE NEW HUSBAND & WIFE.

If you would all be up standing in my toast

To the new Mr and Mrs Burt
Andrew and Helen