Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom in Sales

Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom in Sales


Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Today, I'd like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to a man who personifies intelligence, ambition, tact, generosity, and integrity. But it is John’s wedding so it's only fair that I talk about him as well.

Laughter

Now, I only met John a few years ago at university, meaning that I’ve had to rely on him perhaps more than I would have liked to get the details of his past. But apparently, the young John Cervoni was an exceptionally gifted child. After publishing his first novel at 15, John tells me that his English teacher was left in tears when he opted for the Sciences at A Level. He then reluctantly turned down offers from Harvard and Stanford, in order to study at that other great beacon of learning – State University. But between leaving school and going to State, where I met John, I can only assume that something far too terrible to enquire about must have happened to transform him into the mediocre bum that I know.

While at State U. John spent so much time skipping lectures they almost changed his degree to home economics. And when he left, his head of department gave him this reference: ‘Any company who gets
Mr. Cervoni to work for them will be very lucky indeed’. So not surprisingly, John has done absolutely nothing to help with the planning of this wedding. At one stage, Melissa got so desperate for help she had me search him for a socket. She wondered if maybe she had to plug him in.
Believe it or not, I wasn’t John’s only friend at university.

Laughter

John developed a close relationship with an African exchange student, named Chimaka. Their relationship was close in the sense that John admired Chimaka’s essay writing abilities and John was kindly always on hand to help Chimaka tidy up his written English.
Now Chimaka, who’s father was a tribal elder in Chimakaya and who’s village had donated money to send Chimaka to England, was rather shocked to find himself called into the Dean of Faculties office one morning to explain similarities in his essay to those of John. Two hours later, finding Chimaka on his doorstep threatening suicide, or murder, John's future skills as a salesman came into play. Quoting statistical probability, quantum mechanics and astrology with a straight face, John managed to save both university careers. Now, I recently managed to track down Chimaka to invite him on the stag night (bachelor party). But unfortunately he had to cover the drive through shift at the Burger King.

I mentioned John’s future lay in sales and for the last three years he’s been calling himself an independent salesman. I spoke to someone at his work and they confirmed this - he takes orders from no one. But he works almost everyday - almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday.

Now, what attracted Melissa to John? We know it can’t have been his exploits in the field of salesmanship. So could it have been his reputation as a rock guitarist? Well, I’ve seen John perform on several occasions at university so I speak with enough authority to rule that one out. More likely, it was his kind, thoughtful nature
and his ability to make her feel special … that and his penthouse.

But it’s obvious what attracted John to Melissa. She is such a beautiful, witty, charming and thoughtful person. And when she agreed to marry John, it totally proved to me that old adage – opposites really do attract.

All kidding aside - congratulations, both of you. You make a great couple, and I want to wish you all the best. So good luck, and may your marriage be long, happy and blessed with everything good in life.

Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom.

Wedding Speech 4

Wedding Speech 4
Good afternoon Ladies Gentlemen girls and boys
We have arrived at that point in the day where we must rise from the comfort of our chairs and make fools out of ourselves, well some of us anyway!
I however will try and postpone mine for as long as possible and hand you over to Graham Helens father to say a few words.

Thank you Graham.

I would now like to hand you over to Andrew to make his excuses/say

a few words.

Well Andrew, I hope you made the most of your speech, Now you’re a

married man, that’ll be the last time you get to speak for 3 minutes

without being interrupted!

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls I hope you are having a

wonderful time,
For what seems to be the tenth time today I find my self rising from

a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.
I would like to read some messages from those who could not make it

to this auspicious occasion.

MESSAGES

Now I will read a few cards which Andrew and Helen have requested

that I read
To Helen I’m Sorry I could not marry u myself so I got one of my

mate s to do it, but best wishes on your special Day
From the Pope ...
Congratulations on your special day Andrew we will miss u All the

girls from the fantasy lounge XX
Other cards

I have never been a best man before, and I am not renowned for my

speech writing, But I’ll try my best, ''''cause Andrew said if I do

a good job today, I can be Best Man at his next wedding, too.

It’s a great honour ladies and gentlemen but in all honestly I’m

actually a little bit nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted

by the fact I’ve actually already rehearsed this speech in front of

a live audience. – Yep it was Andrews geriatric home – and I think

it went well – they all peeed themselves

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Peter and for those

of you that do ... well I apologise. My full name is actually ‘Peter

would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I meet in the bar

later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name. [pause]
I am I one of Andrews brothers and isn’t it good to see that I am

finally receiving the recognition I deserve by being named as Best

man.
It is well known that I can talk and I couldn’t help but notice that

there is a bet on about the length of my speech.
Well, just to let you know, having backed myself at 2 hours 26

minutes and with the kitty currently standing at around 㿙, I must

apologise in advance, so please make yourself comfortable and enjoy

the ride.

I would like to thank the bridesmaids Vicky, Grace, Katie and

Charlotte whom I’m sure you will agree all look radiant. And how

nice it is to see Katie out of her emo/hippy out fit.

I would also like to thank Steve and Will for carrying out the

really difficult task of telling people where to sit in church, Nana

June for laying on the horse and carriage, lee for doing the

invitation inserts and Uncle Alan for doing the video.

I would also like to thank Auntie Anne, Auntie Pat and Debbie for

the glorious flowers in the church and everyone else who has helped

with the hall.

Now it gives me great Pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses

for some very important people, with out them the today would not be

the same,
Would you raise your glasses to toast..
The bar staff!!

Before I begin Helen would u place your right hand on the table,

Andrew would u place your left on top of Helens. All will be

revealed in good time.

I can confirm to you all that last night Andrew slept like a

baby………that is he wet the bed twice………..and woke up several times

crying for his MUMMY!

The only problem we’ve seen so far is that Andrew and Helen had a

bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t

decide where everyone should sit. So Andrew, in his true fashion,

decided to link it to the wedding present list He decided to put

those who brought the biggest items nearest the front, and work back

from there…
So ***** “pause” and look around at the back for ******* Andrew and

Helen wanted to say thanks for the oven glove!

Now Andrew and Helen have been together for a few years now and seem

to have found their soul mates in each other.

In life, its difficult to imagine Morecambe without Wise, Andrew

without his red MG, tom without jerry, Romeo without Juliet, Del

without Rodney, and of course Andrew without Helen.
Now as I mentioned, it is a great honour to be Best Man, but with

the role comes the job of writing this speech, and to be honest I

wanted to make the process as easy as possible.
So where do you begin for ideas?
The obvious place seemed to be the Internet, so with a multitude of

resources at my fingertips I dutifully began searching the web.
After a couple of hours searching I found some REALLY good stuff on

the net, but ....then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for

Best Man tips!!!

I did actually find LOADS of ready-prepared speeches on the

internet.... but sadly, NONE of them were about a couple called

Andrew and Helen ....so it looks like it’s down to me after all.
As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am

supposed to SING THE GROOM’S PRAISES and tell you all about his MANY

good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I CAN’T SING, and I WON’T LIE
Helen is a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God you

married her before she found one!

I do have to say how lucky you are Andrew. You will leave here

having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is

funny, and who radiates beauty where ever she goes. [pause]
face Helen
And Helen[pause]
how lucky you are as well [pause]
you leave today having gained a .[pause]
Gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers. [pause]

Andrew has had a chequered life and it started some 38 years ago

when quite small he entered our family and joined Steve and me.
This was a real disappointment to us as this meant that we had to

share our toys with one more person.
However it was not long until Andrew was exposing himself to the

whole country literally sitting on a potty in the middle of the

countryside as the world went on by.
Later he went on to school and by the age of sixteen he finally left

primary school.
He then started his working life Messams, then Curry’s, Clinches

hotel, the Coach and Horses pub, then the Blue Anchor in jersey here

at the Fishbourne club where he met Helen, then the Blue Bell at

cocking now at Cornelius house where he is hoping to get a discount

as he is getting close to requiring a room.

Now we have had a lot of trouble contacting people from his previous

places of work, and for some reason interpols fraud section has been

showing signs of interest, as most of these buisnesses are no longer

,
the coach and horses gone bust
The blue anchor gone bust
And the bluebell gone bust
But Helen has done a good job at covering the evidence up.

as for Helen well her life has just begun.

But Helen is keeping Andrew on the straight and narrow.

Instead of stories you will have to listen to my martial advice

instead.
I’m not sure I’m the best person to dish out advice! But I do have

the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who is the boss:
Then do everything Helen says.

Always remember to tell your wife those three important little words

[pause] ‘You’re right dear’.

Helen A husband is like a tiled floor [pause] lay it right first

time and you can spend years walking all over it.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take the husband gives and

the wife takes. [pause]

Remember the 5 rings
the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering,
the torturing and the enduring

Don’t forget Andrew if u buy her flowers, she knows your guilty, and

she will remember to the second the last time you bought her some …

and the reason why!

Now in case any of you are wondering why I asked Andrew to place his

hand on Helens. I will tell you now, Andrew as my final role, it is

with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 10

minutes in which you have had the upper hand on Helen. It will

almost certainly be the last.

May your love be modern enough to service the times and old

fashioned enough to last 4 ever.

HERES TO LOVE, LAUGHTER,
AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER,
AS Andrew and Helen START THEIR NEW LIFE,
PLEASE STAND & TOAST THE NEW HUSBAND & WIFE.

If you would all be up standing in my toast

To the new Mr and Mrs Burt
Andrew and Helen

Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride

Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride


We did it!! I can’t believe we’re here already!! At first it felt like it couldn’t take any longer and the last few weeks just flew!
It’s overwhelming, I’m in awe!
Wow, I’m Mrs. Hollingsworth! I can’t believe it! Yeah, I can here my co-workers snickering in the back there, I can only imagine the stories I’ll be returning to!

First I’d like to clear up any confusion Jim, is Jamie to me. Now that’s out of the way, Jamie and I have traveled a long road together already and I’m looking forward to our continued journey as
husband and wife.

Jamie and I would like to thank our family and friends for coming tonight and being supportive to us at different stages of our lives.
We’d also like to thank those who couldn’t be with us in body and spirit like my papa who isn’t forgotten and is loved and missed very much! We’d also like to thank the people who we don’t know very well for coming and we’d like to take the opportunity tonight to get to know you better. Most of all we’d like to thank our parents for teaching us the 10 important rules to a healthy marriage:

Never both be angry at the same time.
Never Yell at each other unless the house on fire.
If one of us HAS to win an argument, let it be your mate.
If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
At least once everyday try to say one nice thing to your mate.
When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.
It takes 2 to quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the talking.

I hope we can remember these rules and live by them. Not only do we want to thank our parents for these rules they are only part of what they’ve taught us. We also want to thank-you for building courage when we are scared, for strengthening our hearts when we are weak and when we have self esteem we can conquer anything!

We would like to thank the Olympia for creating this wonderful meal and
Their lovely staff for their service and kindness and for making this a night to remember.

We would like to thank our beautiful wedding party for their hard work and loyalty & I know they deserve it. Even when things got hectic and I was losing my mind they really pulled through and lifted me up and that is what true friends are made of so let’s lift our glasses and toast to our wonderful entourage. Cheers!
Wedding Speech..
wedding-speech3

Wedding Speech3

Wedding Speech-3

I would like to ask Beccy’s father David to say a few words I would now like to call on Justin who would like to thank a fewpeople

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It’s been an emotional day, ……..even the cake is in tiers.

I would like to start by thanking Justin for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaid Kirsty. I’m sure you will agree she has carried out her role superbly, I would also like to thank the ushers…… for at least turning up sober.

I think you will all agree Beccy looks one in a million today ...as opposed to Justin who looks like he was won in a raffle.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am Justin’s cousin, Neil. And I have the honour of being his best man. And it is a great honour, but in all honesty I am actually a little nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old peoples home, …

I think it went well,they all pissed themselves anyway.

.I’d also like to congratulate Justin on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

During the service today I couldn’t help thinking its funny how history repeats itself, I mean it was 30 years ago David and Carol were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it’s happening all over again today.

I have known Justin all my life, he has always loved sport especially football, from an early age it was obvious he was a natural defender, he loved to get stuck in.
It’s a shame he hasn’t carried that over to his working life, Richie has started calling him god at work because he never see’s him, ….and if he ever does any work it’s a miracle.

Now Just has always taken great pride in his appearance, some people have even said he is vain, I never believed this……much, until the morning we got to the airport to fly off for his stag weekend, he seemed to have a glow about him, all the boys were asking him if he had been using tanning lotion, Justin denied it profusely, after another pint and a lot of abuse he tried to fob us off with the excuse that he was in such a rush when he got up, that in his haste he had mistakenly put Beccy’s moisturiser on which had tanning in it, sufficed to say he was set upon then until he finally admitted that he bought the stuff himself.

I just don’t know how he thought he would get away with it, it was snowing the week before.
I thought I had better find out some interesting events that happened on the day he was hatched, sorry born.

He was born on the 11th of September 1977 which was a sunday, number one in the charts was Elvis with ‘way down’, now the only other event I found of any importance in this month was the introduction of free family planning.

Now I wouldn’t say Just was an ugly baby, but pat only had morning sickness after he was born.
He was a slightly slow starter as well, at playschool he was different from the other 5 year olds, he was 11.
I remember one day sitting in pizza hut, when the waiter asked if he would like his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces, Justin’s reply was . .

. . You better make it 4 because I’ll never manage 8.

We have always been close, when we were young we would always be playing something driving our respective parents mad, I remember when Ghostbusters the film was at the cinema, we would be upstairs at Rich and Pat’s with all the lights out jumping around like a couple of lunatics pretending to be catching ghosts, our equipment for this was a school backpack and a wire coat hanger each. Well I have a present,……….something you can play with later.……………..

Now comes the part of the wedding speech where the embarrassing photo’s come out,
I’m sure you will have noticed there are some numbered envelopes on your tables, if you would all like to open envelope number 1,
This is a rare photo, Justin has always said he can never seem to get drunk, at one point he was going to the doctor he was so concerned. but all it took was a few drinks with Tude and Spence and you can see the end result for yourselves.

Now if you all open number 2.……..Justin has been accused in the past of talking too much, well in this photo he talked that much even his ass went to sleep

One of my last duties before I toast the happy couple is to read a few cards……

To Justin and Becky , hope you have a wonderful day, sorry we can’t be there lots of love Charles Farkin, Mary Farkin ….and the whole Farkin family

I would like to say best of luck to the two of you , I really am absolutely delighted for both of you. I hope you have a long and happy future together.
And thank you Justin, it really has been a great honour to be your best man, you are more like a brother to me and Nev than a cousin.
It now gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to the new Mr & Mrs Harris.. To Justin and Beccy Thank you and enjoy the rest of the day.
Wedding Speech-2...

Wedding Speech2

Wedding Speech2

Before I undertake the customary duty of giving Martin an uncomfortable few minutes it is part of the official duty of the best man to thank Martin on behalf of the bridesmaids, Sezan, Canan
and Clare for his kind words and for having them play a part of this really special day. I have to say they all look wonderful and have done an excellent job. Indeed they are only eclipsed by Arzu herself, who, I''m sure you''ll all agree, looks absolutely stunning.

It is a great privilege to be asked by Martin to be his best man. He has quite generously returned the favour that I asked of him 6 years ago, during which Martin took the opportunity to make lots of cheap jokes at my expense, so I now have the right to reply.

I suppose the first thing the best man should explain is how he knows the groom. Well, being his identical twin we first met long before we can both remember, so we are very close. There''s nothing I wouldn''t do for Martin, likewise there''s nothing Martin wouldn''t do for me, in fact we spent most of our time doing nothing for each other.

I will start at the point of our early life as toddlers.

Growing up together in those early days, I am proud to say that I was an angelic child, no trouble to anyone, but the same could not be said of Martin. He showed no respect to his elder twin brother. I became an innocent victim of his loutish behaviour. &quotLloyd, flush you socks down the toilet" he used to say. And under duress I did.

But that lout grew up into the well-mannered and well-presented individual we see sitting here today. Martin has matured. For instance I can tell you that Martin is very well read - he has
after all read all 45 of the Mr Men books from cover to cover. In fact, at the age of five, whilst living in Australia, Martin had a great idea to wander off into the dense, wild outback behind our
house to look for Mr Jelly, whom he had read lived in the middle of a forest. He convinced me to go with him and we got terribly lost.
By the time we had found our way home, there were lots of tears. Not for the fact that he had been lost in a forest, but that Martin never found Mr Jelly''s house.
On the subject of Australia, it was there that Martin began a love affair which still lasts to this day.McDonalds. Age six, we were ever so excited to make our first visit to McDonalds..and the great thing about this place was the kids playground - it was like a mini-theme park - things to climb, things to slide down, things to spin around in.all for the enjoyment of children who had just
scoffed their face with burgers and fries. It was whilst Mum, Dad, Verity and I were sat inside the restaurant that Martin, having just stepped of the swings, appeared the other side of the
window.knocking loudly so that everyone in the restaurant noticed him. My parents played along and waved back...until Martin, in full sight of everyone tucking into their lunch, brought up his fast food as quickly as it had originally gone down, all over the window pane.

Suddenly my parents stopped waving and momentarily tried to pretend he wasn''t theirs, although sadly as Martin''s twin was sat with them at their table, they couldn''t fool anyone. The waitress gave them some reassurance.&quotDon''t worry guys, that happens here all the time."

His love of fast food however never stands in the way of his enjoyment of sport. Martin usually waits until half time to get off the sofa to ring for a pizza.
Some of you may be aware of his passion for cricket. What many of you don''t know is that his interest in the sport was borne during his time at school. Martin is a modest man - well, that''s what he has insisted I tell you - so his cricket achievements are little known. But I can reveal today that at school, Martin SCORED more runs than any other person in the entire cricket team - that was because he was always 12th man putting up the numbers the scoreboard at the pavilion.

After school, Martin went on to study environmental science at Kings College London. I am told by his friends many of whom are here today that Martin had a natural flair for the subject. They tell me that no matter how remote a place Martin was sent away on field trips, he could gauge and interpret the direction of the wind, the contamination of the soil and the pollution of the air to produce an accurate assessment of where the nearest local pub was to skive off to have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps.

But Martin had to fund his extra curricular activities. Being a student with far too much time on his hands and always in need of an extra few quid, Martin decided to exploit a promotional campaign at Selfridges, the famous department store on London''s Oxford Street. The deal was that customers were entitled to a 㾶 voucher if they purchased an item from all seven floors. Martin managed to get round the store and buy small items which came to the grand total of 37
pence. It was an all time record amongst his fellow students.
Selfridges had no choice but to pay out the voucher, which Martin then redeemed for cash. What''s more impressive or should I say sad is that he did this seven times in one day to walk away with a hard earned . Unsurprisingly, Selfridges ended their promotional campaign rather abruptly.

Although Martin studied environmental science, I began to doubt his true commitment to the green cause when he purchased his first car after leaving university a Volkswagen Beetle. Now, I''m not sure what year the Beetle was made, though I believe the front of the car was made in the early nineties and the rear of the car some years before. Martin spent hours in that car, usually trying to get it to start. It was the only vehicle that you wouldn''t use a traditional road atlas or street map to navigate your journey. Martin''s Beetle was so economically inefficient and powerless that he had to plot his routes using an ordinance survey map to make sure that his

entire route was downhill. With careful planning, Martin could achieve this and the only flaw was making the return journey home by the same route.
Being Martin''s older twin, by a whole five minutes, I realise Martin that you have now reached the age that I was when I started this speech and with that you will gained the maturity and wisdom that I had back then. So this is probably a good time to for me to show some respect.

Joking aside, I want to say what a privilege it is today to be your best man. I couldn''t wish for a better brother and how much you mean is really impossible to put into words. The whole family is proud of you Martin, and we are all thrilled to see you marrying your beautiful bride Arzu today So it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast for Martin and Arzu. We wish them well for the future. To love, life, laughter and happily ever after.. Martin and Arzu.
Wedding Speech....

Wedding Speech1

Wedding Speech1

Right, so where do I start! What the hell took them so long?
Before we get to the ritual character assassination of the groom that forms the basis of a traditional best man’s speech I would like to thank Jason for his kind words about the bridesmaids who of course looked gorgeous and did a fantastic job.

It was a great honour to be asked by Jason to be his best man on this important day in his life.
I wanted to do the job justice so I decided some research was needed so I turned to the internet.
I set out to search for information on the responsibilities of the best man along with some hints and tips but as anyone who has used the internet will know, it is very easy to get side tracked
especially when the wife’s out I am told by my married friends.
Anyway after being side tracked for few hours I got back to my research on best man type things.

Joking aside I did find some interesting stuff on continental drift.
I know you didn’t come here for a lecture on plate tectonics and geography but this is interesting stuff.
Apparently the continents of Europe and America are moving towards each other at a rate of about 5 cms a year. Now this is very slow progress. Scientists have actually created a scale to measure things that move very slowly known as the Jason Murch scale as it based on the time it has taken him to make an honest woman of Christine!
Actually when Jason asked me to be best man my first thought was bloody hell I need to make a speech.
What am I going to talk about?
My research told me that my speech should involve some humorous stories at the groom’s expense, well character assassination really.
I once went to a wedding and the best man stood up and explained how the groom being a man who had led a chaste and quiet life had given him very little juicy material for off colour and racy stories to fill his best man’s speech.

Well the good news is that is not the case with Jason….. the bad news is that I have so much material we could be here for some time so I hope you are all sitting comfortably and have no pressing engagements for a few hours.

No of course I am only kidding…………. I do have plenty material but 90% of it’s not fit for public consumption…. There was the cast of the ladyboys of Bangkok, the goat….

I know a lot of people here are probably wondering just what does Christine see in Jason?

Well I have known him a long time and too be fair….I don’t know either!
It could be his work ethic. We first met when we were both reps flogging carpet.
Jason used to make numerous trips to Chippenham and back. This wasn’t actually to visit customers but rather because he was at home most of the time but needed to put some miles on the car to at least make it looked like he did some work.
Jason now works as a training consultant.
He showed some early promise in this field by training Christine to answer the phone to the boss and always tell him Jason had left the house hours ago despite still being in bed.
Despite this unusual approach to selling Jason was very successful.
He was guest of honour at a distributor annual awards do. I am sure it was just a misunderstanding that led to a night as a guest of the Berkshire constabulary! I believe a drink had been taken.

So to get back to the question, just what does Christine see in Jason… probably not the work ethic then….maybe his romantic nature?
As anyone who knows Jason and Christine knows they like travel, in fact they have visited so many far off places so often they have a bigger carbon footprint than Alan Wicker. Scientists have estimated they are personally responsible for about 15% of global warming and the submerging of some low lying islands!

They have visited many places including Rome The Vatican City , Venice St Marks Square the Doges Palace, The Bridge of Sighs, Las Vegas The strip, The Bilagio Hotel, New York Carriage rides through Central Park, The Empire State Building, some very romantic places.

Ideal for a proposal of marriage you may think.
Well that may be true but Jason chose something else, he chose something altogether less salubrious though he maintains just as romantic, ********’s cabaret club and fish and chip restaurant in Las Americas, Tenerife, I am not saying it is rough…actually I really am not saying it is rough because if the owners find out they would probably have me shot!

So not the Work ethic or Romance, I guess it will have to remain, like why men have nipples and women go to the toilet in pairs …. One of life’s great mysteries.
Although Christine did actually tell me Jason has always brightened up her life.

Well she actually said he never turned the lights off but it amounts to the same thing pretty much.
To be truthful Jason and Christine have shared many romantic moments I would like you to both share one with us all here today.
Christine please can you put your right/left hand flat on the table and Jason please can you place yours on top of it.
Marvellous, I would like you to remember and treasure this moment forever….the last time you will have the upper hand Jason.
On a more serious note I have known both Jason and Christine for many years and value their friendship immensely. Jason has always been a great friend and they have both always been there whenever I have needed them.

I would also like to thank Christine for countless Sunday lunches and use of the spare bedroom despite leading her husband from the path of righteousness on occasion.
I know rolling in at 3.30 in the morning and waking you up wasn’t funny but at the time it did seem so and I know as an understanding wife there will be many such occasions in the future…or not as the case may be.

It has been a privilege knowing you both and I feel both your families have become almost like a second family to me. I have got to know all your kids. Jason’s mum and dad and Christine’s late
father Alan who I am sure would have been very happy to see how beautiful she looks today.

Before I finish I have a couple of messages to read out from people who couldn’t be here today.
Jason’s son Wesley couldn’t be here today and sends his best wishes, I think the only person more disappointed than Wesley about him not being here is the guy that has to fight him in the cage later tonight.

There is also a card from those guys from the Avon Packet Cricket club. It says, ‘Jason was useless in all positions but we hope Christine has more luck with him later’ not sure what that means but anyway…
Ladies and gentlemen I would like you all to be upstanding etc......
Wedding Speech...
wedding-speech2.

Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride

Wedding Speech Delivered by the Bride

You may well be wondering what the Bride is doing making a wedding speech.

Well, those of you who know me well, know that I always have talked too much and usually find a way to get my two cents worth in so it probably is no surprise! I also wanted to say thank you to those deserving in my own words.

When I met Ray, I was totally off men and relationships, so it is a more than a little surprising to find myself standing here just under two years later! I have my sister to thank for this remarkable conversion, as she was the Cilla Black wannabe who got us together – with all the subtlety of Blind Date I might add. Her favorite trick was to invite Ray to come for drinks with her and I and then suddenly “remember” she’d left the iron on or hadn’t fed the cat or any other such nonsense.

Of course this was highly embarrassing and cringe-making but I am so very grateful to Donna for knowing us both better than we knew ourselves, knowing that we should be together and putting us in each others’ lives.

She has been a great Bridesmaid and she has helped a lot over the last few months; not least in the organisation of a top hen party - the details of which follow the time honoured code of “What goes on tour, stays on tour”! Donna not only is the best sister a girl could ever have but she is also my very bestest friend and has been my idol since I arrived in this world. Thank you so much for everything, not least for loving me. This is just a small gift as a token of our love and appreciation.

While I am on thanking there are a few more that I would like to do and I promise to be brief!
Firstly thanks to all of you for coming and thank you for the wonderful gifts – we’ll look forward to opening them when we get back from honeymoon. I know that most of you took time off work and travelled a long way to be here and I want to say how much it means to us to share our day with the family and friends that love us.

Sadly not everyone could be with us and I would especially like to mention Ray’s Grandfather, George who sadly passed away last year and my favourite Aunt, Auntie Kissie who has been very ill and wasn’t well enough to make the journey. They are both sorely missed here today.

Secondly I want to thank Ivor – the best best man – he has done a fantastic job, although depending on the contents of his speech, I may retract this!!!! Seriously he has been an amazing support to Ray and has done us both proud in his role. Thanks Ivor for making our day that little bit more special and for not shaving Ray’s hair off on the stag night.

Thanks also to Belinda, my wicked step-mother! – the reading was beautiful and thank you for agreeing to do it. Thanks also for getting my Father here on the right day, at the right time and in the right clothes. Here’s a little something for you to thank you for everything.
I’d like to say a few words about my Mom and Dad. They have been the best parents a girl could wish for and they are also my friends. My Mom is the most amazing person and she taught me to be independent from a very young age. I’m sure Ray would NOT thank her for this as I am incredibly stubborn as a result - but it always made me aware that when I did get married, if I got married, it would be to the right man at the right time and that is certainly true. She is also
an incredibly talented singer, which I’m sure those of you who heard her sing earlier will agree. It was beautiful and meaningful and I’ll remember it forever – thank you so much Mom.

My Dad on the other hand, taught me something that is invaluable; SPORT IS VERY IMPORTANT. This is something that I know will stand me in good stead in my marriage to Ray! It is said that you marry a man like your Dad and if that’s true – then kind, generous, loving, caring, supportive, always there when you need him and great to hug is what I’m getting. Thanks so much for everything Dad, not least for giving me away – although you were probably glad to get rid of me!

I’d just like to say a few words about three of the most excellent girls one could ever hope to meet. Angie Schofield, Tracie Buckley and Catherine Meakings. I’ve been very lucky to find good friends like them. Angie and her husband came over this morning to blow up balloons and bring the table decorations and cake over. Tracie is kindly going out of her way to Merseyside to take my bouquet to my Aunt who couldn’t make it and Catherine has been to John Lewis for me so often in the last few months that they have given her her own entrance. I just wanted to thank you all, not just for the practical things you have done but for the support you have given me. These small gifts are a huge token of my love and appreciation. Thanks a lot you guys.

So now I turn to my new Husband! Last but certainly not least. I want to thank you Ray for a wonderful day – thank you for all your hard work in realising our dreams – today has been so perfect.
I have never been able to find the right words to express just how I feel about this man who has become my husband today – so I’m going to recite this poem in the hope that it might go someway to let him know just what he means to me.
I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I’m with you
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you have made of me
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped up heart
And passing over all the foolish weak things that are held dimly there
And for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings
That no-one else had looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you have helped me to make my life a beautiful life worth living
I love you because you have done more than anything could have done to make me good
And more than any fate could have done to make me happy.

You have done this by being yourself and loving me.
You know, my Nan always told me to marry a rich man – I couldn’t have married a richer man than Ray. He is rich in inner strength, understanding and kindness, in forgiveness and patience. He is my everything and I am very proud to be Mrs Lewis. I‘d like to propose a toast to us – the best is yet to come.

Wedding Speech 3.